Staff of Light

It’s not terribly cold here in Minnesota, at least not right now. It is very snowy. It has been a long winter, and we have had some cold snaps.
However, as winter goes, it’s not bad. However we have alot of snow. The roads are messy. Everytime I park the car I step out into a slushy puddle. There is wet soggy crap everywhere.

I am a hardy Minnesotan. I really am. I bundle up and take the weather as it comes. When it snows, I drive slower and more carefully, but by and large I can handle most of the weather.

The things is, recently I have really not enjoyed it. I am tired of the snow, and the cold, and I just have not been enjoying winter.
I have considered moving to a different state. I like Nevada and Arizona. I feel good around the mountains.

But I am still here. Which is ok. My family is here, my job is here, I have things to do here.
I realize that these are excuses that I are limiting me. I use the excuse “my family is here” to stay in Minnesota and struggle through the snow. It’s true my family is here, but if I truly “know” that I would be happier elsewhere, I would probably go.

I think the excuses are valid, as long as I remember they are excuses.

I think the core dissatisfaction is inside myself. I feel that if I moved, I would take myself with me. I need to remember to find the joy inside of me, in each moment. To remember to find joy in where I am at the moment, and be happy, and not always strive for something more, or something different.

If I chose to move it would shake up my energy, it would force me to take chances that I may be avoiding right now. I would have to give up the security blankets I use, such as my job, and perhaps persue what really makes me sing inside.

However I can do that here also.

In the end, I realize that the frozen tundra is more so inside of me, and it expresses itself when I don’t follow my inspiration, my bliss.

Today my friend Diane wrote about Wake up calls in her blog (http://www.drsmick.com/blog/2010/02/wake-up-calls%e2%80%a6-have-you-ever-had-one-did-you-listen/)

So, I ask myself, have I had a wake up call? This feeling of dissatisfaction is a wake up call I think. The car problems I have are wake up calls. The need to do something different are wake up calls.

I think the inspiration I feel, the joy I have in doing classes, the joy I have in writing this blog, and developing the online classes I am working on are wake up calls.

Working to find the balance in my life,and what I enjoy.

I intend to avoid (more) severe wake up calls.

Goal setting is very important. Goals give you a clear view of where you want to go, the steps needed to get there, and motivation to take those steps.

A 3 year, or 5 year plan allows a person to lay out a course and take effective action to bring about the desired result. Goals are things we want to accomplish, things we will drive ourselves to achieve.

When I was in college I made a 5 year plan and a 10 year plan. I had it mapped out. I had it figured out. It happened pretty much exactly what I had planned. In 10 years I was pretty much exactly in the situation I had mapped out. I had taken the correct steps, I had pushed myself to achieve what I had intended.

I considered my goals reasonable at the time, and it was no surprise that I accomplished them. However once I had reached the summit, my goals, I found myself a little bit lost.

First, I had grown and changed. My understanding of the world and life had expanded, but my goals had remained the same. I was not a fit for what I had created.

Second, Now that I had completed my plan, and reached where I wanted to be, I had to ask myself what’s next? Do I just coast along here, or what do I do?

Third, I had built something good, and it’s hard to walk away from things that are pretty good, even if they don’t fit exactly.

I had set a goal, and I had pursued it, I had fought for it, I had kept it in mind and taken steps to make it real.

I know feel this is an old way of looking at the world. Setting a goal and driving towards it. Life is about experiencing, and having contrasting experiences, so we can manifest joy.
Life is about joy. Life is not about getting somewhere, it is about the experiences along the way.

Now I am not sure I am going to set goals, or have a 3 or 5 or 10 year plan.

I am going to intend.

I know it sounds similar. It is similar. However there are some differences. I am going to intend to attract certain experiences and joy into my life. I am going to intend to appreciate the journey, and know that I can be comfortable and joyful during the journey. I don’t have to wait until I reach the goal to be happy and joyful. The journey itself is the source of joy.

I think it is important to have a clear idea of what you would like to manifest, the experiences you want to have, and to keep that firmly in your mind.

However the experiences should flow, be inspired, and you should find joy along the way.

I read Diane Mickelsons blog daily. Today she discusses listening (http://www.drsmick.com/blog/2010/02/listening-do-you-do-i/).
She makes some really good point about listening, and ensuring that you are being listened to.

What struck me was the act of listening. You can’t really listen if you are not present in the moment. If you are thinking about what you are going to say, or about lunch, or about what just happened, you are not present.

When we are present in the moment we bring our full awareness, attention, and intention into that moment. We focus our intention, our senses, on what is actually happening – happening at that moment. When we are that focused, our intention is very powerful, and we we come from an authentic place when we respond.

How often are we fully present in our interactions with each other. How many conversations a day do you have that are on “automatic”?

When I go to the grocery store, eventually I go and check out. I truly check out. I stand there and the clerk scans my items, and the total creeps (or jumps up). I am thinking about getting my payment ready, how I am going to bag it, if there are going to be to many bags to carry to the car, about where I parked the car, how am I going to carry it all from the car into the house, where everything gets put away, how soon I will be able to cook dinner, how long it will be until I can sit down in my comfy chair and relax. I am standing in line, maybe chit chatting with the clerk, maybe just staring at them, and I have already lived out the next half hour to hour in my head.
When they give me the total, or say anything, I am responding by rote. Going through the motions, but I am not really present.

Am I doing the clerk a disservice by not being fully present and engaging them?
Probably not. I doubt the clerk is fully present. They most likely are thinking about how there feet hurt, when break is, what plans they have, and running my selection across their beeper.

Am I doing myself a disservice by not being fully present and engaging them?
Maybe, I may be missing out on a wonderful interaction, a new friend, a new idea or perspective.

However in general, this is something we do.

However people who are great in sales, who are great with people, who have networks, know that the key is to being present and fully engaging everyone they interact with.
Being authentic.

Can I do that, can I imbue myself with presence and be authentic all the time. Do I care enough to do that? I would like to say yes, but the truth is, I don’t do it, so I don’t.

Today I am going to make an effort to be present in all my interactions and see how it feels.

I just returned from Ohio. It was quite a trip. I drove out one way, and I drove back another. I did not quiet make a circle, but I did get a little change of scenery.

It was a good trip, I had a lot of fun, and I had a lot of time to think.

I realize that the main goal of life is to experience and to feel good.

I keep lining up experiences, in each moment I have an experience of one type or another. Some experiences I label “bad”, some experiences I label “good”.

The vast majority of these experiences, these moments, I let pass and just “am” they are. Right now I am typing. I am breathing, my fingers are on the key board. the keys are a little slick, they give tactile feedback, and something just made me sneeze.

That was a moment. A snippet of my experience. Was that good, was that bad, or was I indifferent to that?

That I would clarify as a good moment. I focused my awareness in the present. I fully experienced what was going on with me, and my surroundings, I was fully present and aware.
Most of the time I kinda go through life, not noticing what is going on. I may be hot, or cold, or my knee may hurt a little. I just brush that aside and do what I am doing.

When that happens I am perhaps focused on what I am doing, but I am not focused on the actual experience of what I am doing.

In each moment so many things are happening to us, we have so many inputs, that we can’t consciously be aware of them all.

But I think there is value in slowing down, and being aware of what we can. Driving at 5 mph you notice a lot more details than at 60 mph.

As I was driving, I was thinking that putting more awareness into each moment, moving slower, and with greater appreciation, may be more beneficial in the long run.

After all the experience is the point, joy and fun are the answers.